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Thursday, March 23, 2017

Update March 23, 2017

It’s becoming harder to write.  My head is fuzzier and stringing thoughts together takes more concentration than I would like.  But you can be certain that I still have so much to say! And so, I will just keep fighting harder to keep sharing my journey and how God is speaking into this journey that life is taking me on.  Thank you for joining me here.  Thank you for replying with notes of encouragement.  They are incredibly valuable to me.  My email is for those who don't have it.  I do not promise to always reply, or sometimes it takes up to a month.  But I thank you to those who have taken time to write me.  And thank you for your prayers.  Keep praying.  during my chemo treatment and "recovery" I find it hard to formulate prayers of my own.  I depend on yours and thank you for them.  Prayer is so powerful!

On a practical note, people are asking us how they can help.  We have many needs coming up.  Our nanny is going away for a week on April 3.  My parents left today.  Ryan’s mom won’t be able to lift the twins for another couple months due to her hip replacement (She had been helping us Sat and Monday mornings).  I am still tired from the crazy week of illness and chemo and am trying to recuperate myself before next chemo round (starts April 6).  My friend has started a meal/help train website for us. 

I direct you there to sign up to help us out if that is something within your means and abilities.  (note our average daily schedule is Rise Early, our nanny comes at 9, twins and Rayna play/hopefully get outside in the morning, lunch then naps (usually ~2 hours long) around 12:30.  Supper around 5PM, bedtime around 7 PM. Note: Rayna is away from home on Wed, Thurs, Fri.) 

The Beautiful Ugly

The beautiful Ugly

Behold the beauty around you.
Do not let it pass you on by
As you
            Flutter around frantic
As you
As you
As you mess up. And again mess up. And can’t seem to get it right.

Lift your head up so you can see.
Open your eyes so you can engage.
Let your heart flood your being and pour into your mouth so you can truly acknowledge:

The beauty. Everywhere.

The beauty is there. Find it.
Find it so that
Cancer isn’t center stage –
            Living is
Find it so that
Children know they are so deeply loved and in that confidence they can change the world – starting today
Find it so that
            You fling open the doors of every opportunity you’ve wanted to explore.
Find it so that
You slow down the hurricane that rages in the frantic, full, frenzied lives of our our society

Find your humanity, your humanness, because it is a broad canvas for the beauty I speak of.

And seek out love.
The fuel of love is the ONLY way to wage war in the fight for beauty. 
Do not be deceived, we have to FIGHT for it!
Lies abound.
Our enemy Satan starts lies in our heads, he continues them into our society propagating them into peoples’ lives at every opportunity
Fight with me.

I fight:
I fight to see beauty.
I cling to the unfailing love of God.
It fuels me.
To keep seeing beauty.
To keep fighting to see the beauty. 
To declare:
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (I Cor. 13:7)

And I fight against these for myself and for others:
Lies of inadequacy
Lies of worthlessness starting with my dreams
(My children, never stop dreaming, trying out your dreams, and living your dreams.)
Lies of shame
Lies of powerlessness

I claim this truth instead:

I am so valuable. I am so loved. I have so much value to pour into others. Everyday. Every. Day. 

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Life the last couple weeks has been full of snot, puke, and diarrhea....And chemo.  It was rotten. Putrid rottenness that I didn't know how we'd get through. But let me tell you, as we're turning the corner (please Lord!) with health and my chemo side effects starting to improve, I feel ALIVE!  Full of LIFE, and I invite you to find the life through whatever rottenness is stinking up your days and then celebrate. Celebrate the air in your lungs!!!! And then with those lungs praise God for your life!!!!