Depend on Me

I have been struggling lately with a lack of confidence in my competence as a mom.  The other day I found myself in my husband’s arms in tears because I wasn’t sure I was a good mom and I felt like there were all these eyes on me judging how I was doing as a mom.  Sometimes I’m really just not sure what is best for my daughter and when the fatigue takes over my lack of confidence turns into my questioning my competence.  I begin to ask, “Am I fit to be a mom? Do I have any clue at all what I am doing?”  In the back of my mind I acknowledge that these questions are not valid and that in fact they are tools of our spiritual enemy to tear down my God-given strength.  But in the ‘moment’, I have found myself wishing this new role of mine has a set of ‘best practice guidelines’ to follow.  You see in my job as a pharmacist the golden documents to follow in patient care are evidence-based best practice guidelines.  But this new role of mom is more than a job.  It is more than a career, even.  It is a commitment unlike any other and while there is numerous writing on the topic of parenthood, there is not one document that has been agreed upon by the parenting community to be the guidelines for how to be the best mother to your child.

This is where I am in life right now: a confident, proven and accomplished medical professional trying to figure out how to add such prestigious adjectives to my new title of ‘mother’ without much success. (Indeed I have read this can be a struggle for women such as me who are goal-oriented, successful professionals.  We try to transfer our approach to our career to mothering and it can be frustrating not to mention ineffective.)

Isn’t it great then that at least I know what my ‘issue’ is, so I can work towards addressing it?  Knowing myself is exactly what I embrace through my practice of journaling and reflecting regularly.  However, the full illumination of this issue didn’t shine through until I was listening to the sermon this Sunday morning.  The message was on Jonah chapter 2 and was entitled “From Misery to Mercy.”  While the main premise of this teaching was about self inflicted misery and rising up from it, the principles were practical for addressing any challenge.  Pastor Ron first highlighted the need to get real with God.  You see Jonah didn’t skirt around his issue.  He clearly named why it was that he was praying from inside the belly of the fish.   I have long admired another biblical character, David, for his realness with God and have just been reading again about David’s life in 2^nd Samuel.*  So, the idea of being honest and real with God is not a new one to me.  But, in that moment in church I sat there and realized I hadn’t been real.  I was not naming what my issue really was.  SELF-SUFFICIENCY.  I have been struggling at being a mom because I have been trying to do it on my own.  (Not to say that there won’t be struggles in motherhood; but they shouldn’t be the mind-struggles that I have engaged in.)

So in naming my sin of self-sufficiency God spoke to me, “DEPEND ON ME.”  And it was in this moment that I realized there is a single, go-to document in motherhood: the bible. 

Huh!

Furthermore, I not only have this tried and true document, I have been given the Guide Himself.  As I was sitting there in church I was brought to the question: “Who is God to me now?”   So I asked myself who has God been to me in the past?  And I was thinking and thinking so hard.  I mean I elucidated who He is to me on video only a year ago in front of the whole church when we became church members and there I was trying to remember, “Who did I say God was to me?”  And then it came back.  I have consistently viewed God as my Guide.  And He is my Guide still through His words in the bible and through His voice in my life as the Holy Spirit.  I have the most incredible Guide to navigate this life with, to navigate this role in my life with, and have been given this God-breathed document, the bible, to structure my life on!  Amazing! Incredible!  These words are truly not adequate descriptors.  And there I was a week ago longing for some sort of guidelines to motherhood.  This was certainly a ‘knock me over the head’ kind of moment in church on Sunday in which I was truly so glad to be a part of a church where God speaks clearly and loudly through His servants in our pastoral team. 

You see by believing that Jesus Christ is God’s Son who has removed the mark of sin on our lives by dying on the cross we are given “real and eternal life, more and better life than [we] ever dreamed of.” (John 10:10, The Message, emphasis mine)  I believe in God’s promises and so today I start my day by saying “I’m all in!” to God’s call to me to depend on Him.

 

 *Well, technically, listening not reading since it is through listening to the Daily Audio Bible—dailyaudiobible.com-- that I am finding a practical way to get into the scriptures on a pretty much daily basis.    

A blob post on SLUGS

(I apologize for the cheesy title, but with a blog about slugs I surely had to come up with a somewhat creative title.)

This spring I find myself longing to see a slug or even better a family of slugs.  I do not remember the exact first time I met a slug; however I do know it was after moving to British Columbia.  Ryan and I were out on some trail and he introduced me to the slimy, slow moving blobs.  I was fascinated by the creature and sat and starred at it and scolded Ryan as he poked at it with a stick.  Ryan informed me that if you put salt on them they shrivel and while I have had no desire to try this tactic, it further piqued my curiosity of these mucousy critters.  From then on I take note of each slug that I meet, marveling at the particularly huge ones and making sure I introduce other non British Columbians to them at every opportunity. 

Now you may be wondering why am I going on about slugs?  Yes, I am intrigued by these slugs, perhaps more than I ought to be and perhaps because my first encounter with one happened so late in life.  But more than being intrigued I like what slug spotting signifies; it signifies being out in nature enjoying trails and foliage and trees and mountains and the wonderful smell of fresh air that accompanies these items.  So a few days ago while I was out for a walk and spotted some snails on the sidewalk it got me to thinking about the fact that I haven’t seen a slug in what seems like ages.  This got me itching to find myself in a place where I’d be able to officially welcome spring with my first hello to one of the slimy critters.  Here’s to hopes of lots of slug encounters this upcoming season.  And by all means, if you yourself have never met a slug, please do come for a visit and allow me the privilege of introducing you!          

A dying plant, a fat cat, and a lovely baby

Prior to March 17^th there were 2 living things I was responsible for: my house plant and my cat, Fritz.

Thank goodness I am better at taking care of a baby than I am of taking care of my house plant. You see, my friend who’s an interior designer recommended that a nice substantial plant in our window corner would be ideal. Of course, she said that it could be artificial, it didn’t have to be real. But, do you know the price of artificial plants? Why would you spend that much money on a plastic shrub? This thought intensified as I walked by this nice real plant in Walmart for something like $15. For $15 I figured if I killed it what was the loss and this one was even labeled low-maintenance!

My husband informed me just the other day that he thinks my plant is dead. And this dying process did not begin after the baby was born, so I cannot blame it on being tied up as a new mom. No, you see we were away for Christmas and so it didn’t get watered over those 4 days and then I forgot when I came home and I think I’ve remembered once since our return…..or was it our trip in November to Hawaii when we were gone for a week and I kept thinking I should really water the plant to catch it up on its moisture? Surely, I’ve watered it more than once in the last 5 months….maybe twice??? Apparently plants like to be watered and this one indeed must truly be low maintenance because really considering the amount I’ve cared for it, it does look pretty good! (Though I’m sure my friend Michaela would not agree that it is the look she was suggesting for our window corner.)

And then there’s my cat, the other living creature I am responsible for. And he, well, he has a problem of the other end of the spectrum. He is overweight. Well, he hasn’t been to the vet since he was neutered, so the vet would probably say he is obese. Indeed that cute pudge of a belly that sways when he runs and covers his back feet when he sits all proper is indicative of a substantial weight concern. The other day we were driving by the vet and there was a sign out front: “Obesity is a life shortening disease.” The health of our cat is also not an area where I can show that I’ve excelled at supporting the life of another living creation (though I do blame….is that a harsh word?....my husband for a large part of Fritz’ weighty issues, since he finds it so wonderful to have Fritz beg for food and love him for giving the cat his every tasty desire. The cat certainly has an insatiable appetite for most every food; however, I believe, though he disagrees, that it is Ryan who helps continue to fuel this appetite.)

So I am ever grateful that my cute little human in my care is thriving. Perhaps I would forget to feed her too, but her cries are ever-reminding me and it seems that the food I give is nourishing her well. Just 2 weeks ago I was frustrated that I could not find a dress that was small enough for her to wear on her first Sunday in church. Now at 3 weeks old, she is out-growing her newborn clothes and is moving into the 0-3 month clothes. My little girl is growing up already! Today her daddy told her, “That’s good Rayna, you grow nice and big and then we can move you out.” Oh the humour that’s going to drive our children nuts later in their lives! (As an aside he also told her after smothering her with kisses that he would give her enough kisses so that she didn’t need to get any from boys….awww the protective daddy already!)

At any rate, I think I’ve managed to keep my daughter in the healthy range such that she is certainly not withering, but I haven’t fattened her up too much yet either! Here’s to a good start in nourishing this little life. Cheers!

A Birth Story

My daughter is now 5 days old and I have managed to figure out how to get both my hands free so I can take an opportunity to write her birth story as I’ve been wanting to do since she was born. Rayna Katya Maria Rostek entered the world on Saturday March 17^th 2012 at 4:32 AM, but as Ryan puts it, her arrival was not without a bit of drama.

We knew that Rayna’s arrival was imminent in the wee hours of Friday morning, when my water broke at 1AM. Ryan frantically packed his hospital bag as I showered and off we were to be assessed at the hospital. With no contractions the nurse sent us home after confirming that baby sounded healthy. We were instructed to get some rest and return in the morning for further assessment and possibly induction. I was excited at the possibility that Rayna may be born on her cousin, Rachael’s, birthday! When we returned to the hospital at 7:30AM my contractions were about 10-15 minutes apart and though I had been able to rest I’m not sure who would be able to sleep through contractions even at 15 minutes apart. With our arrival at the hospital we were informed that March 16 was a busy day at Chilliwack hospital maternity ward and I would not be induced until further notice or at the very latest on Saturday morning. Also, my doctor happily examined me to confirm my water had broken (when a woman who has never had her water break before knows without a doubt that her water has broken, you would think confirmation would not be required, but protocol is protocol). He subsequently informed me that as of 4PM he was on vacation, told me that I would do great, and let me know that his former resident, whom I saw a few times in the office, would be covering for him. So back home to wait for my contractions to either get regular or for the hospital to call.

At this point I was very uncomfortable, but I would not really say I was in too much pain. I wanted labour to progess and there are all the stories of walking or jumping or physical activity to get labour going; but, I was in no mood for any sort of physical activity other than showering and having Ryan hold me as I sat through contractions. To help pass time Ryan and I pulled out Tribond and Ryan implemented the rule that when I lost my turn I had to walk around the table. I tell you that walk around our dining room table felt as strenuous as any bodyrock interval work-out I’ve done!

Finally I received a call from the hospital that Dr. Loch wanted to assess me at 7 PM. Since Dr. Loch is a brand new family doctor and with my previous experience with her, I knew that she would be a bit more conservative and probably push to have me induced sooner rather than later. I was correct and there was a bit of tension as the nurses were informing her that they could not handle another induction and she was really wanting to get me induced. However, by the time I was examined (4 cm dilated) and pumped with 1 liter of saline since I was a bit dehydrated, my contractions started to get more regular and I was far enough into active labour to be admitted. From here my true labour began. I understand the importance of monitoring baby’s heart rate, but I tell you I sure did not care to be forced on my back with monitors strapped to me while enduring a contraction. I much preferred to be sitting and later into my labour I spent much time kneeling leaning against an inclined bed. I’m not sure at what point I decided that labour really hurt, but it was then that I asked for drugs. I was given my first dose of Fentanyl just before Dr. Loch returned at 1:30. Now I really don’t know what it would have felt like without the Fentanyl, but thank goodness for drugs since labour felt barely tolerable with the Fentanyl! I felt really light headed and dopey between contractions and Dr. Loch looked a little worried as I was getting the first rush of Fentanyl.

Let me tell you a few thoughts that went through my mind as the pain of labour really set in. Firstly, having a focal point during labour? Seriously? I wanted to focus on Hawaii, the waves crashing and the tranquility so we had a piano spa track with waves playing through out my labour. Now the music was nice to soften the feel of the institutional hospital, however, there was no way I could even bring my mind to a place of thinking about Hawaii. I was in a place that was the furthest thing from Hawaii. It really hurt! Furthermore, in my yoga DVD part of their mantra at the end is to thank yourself and your baby for a great workout in preparing for an amazing birth. I thought numerous times to myself, this is NOT an amazing birth! In addition, there were moments when I kept thinking of when Rayna was breech and there was discussion of a c-section and I just really didn’t want a c-section. Well, in these moments of labour I was thinking that it would have been real nice to have had a c-section.

“More Fentanyl, please.” I asked the nurse. She had to check me again and at that point I was 8 cm dilated. Seriously 2 cms left to go??? I suppose those 2 cms were the worst; the pressure begins on the bowels and you’re not supposed to push and I kept saying through my contractions, I really want to push, hoping the nurse would just reply, Ok let’s get you pushing! Ryan says I was less vocal than he thought I would be, but I thought I had many grunts and painful moans and even found myself saying “ow”. Understatement. Finally, I informed Ryan who informed the nurse that I was ready to push. I’m not sure I felt that much different than for the previous amount of time, but I was through with just taking the pain and ready to do something. Thank goodness I was 10cm dilated.

Onto my back to assume the position of pushing. I didn’t realize the practice it took to get the hang of pushing, but then I got it and my labour became the athletic endeavor I had anticipated. I must say that pushing was the absolute best part of labour and I did not really find it painful; however, as soon as I started pushing my contractions slowed as did my progress. The drama began here. I was given some oxytocin at some point to bring on more contractions. Dr. Loch called in the obstetrician at the 2 hour mark. His assessment (and let me tell you it is not very fun having someone assess the baby’s position internally at this point!) was that things were not progressing fast enough and a c-section was warranted. He asked me if I wanted to keep pushing, I gave a big absolute ‘Yes’. I did not go through all that to end in a c-section! So he gave me 10 minutes to see how my progress would go. The nurse was fabulous and got me on the toilet for a few pushes to try and speed things up. Then at the 10 minute mark, the obstetrician called in the c-section team, Ryan and I signed off on the surgery and removed my jewelry in resigned preparation. Thank goodness for the wee hours of the morning. The obstetrician gave me the okay to keep pushing until the team got there and if I beat them then I would "win". Well I pushed with all my might and as she really engaged it became so awkward feeling that I just wanted to get her out. The team arrived and at this point the obstetrician noted that I had made enough progress, but would need an episiotomy to get her out promptly. He was ready to cut me with my next push and it was with that push that out came Rayna, no episiotomy required!

I can’t tell you the pride I felt at the end of all that! I was proud of my ability to have my daughter naturally, that I was able to bring her into the world with my might and determination. And here she was a beautiful baby girl on my chest! I could barely keep my eyes open (in fact I had almost been nodding off between contractions during pushing) but I was loving every moment! And there inside and just outside my room was a whole host of physicians. My family doctor, the family doctor resident, the obstetrician, the anesthesiologist, the pediatrician and the pediatrician’s resident! Rayna arrived with fanfare!

Rayna is a beautiful girl. She has taken a part of my heart. I cannot believe how much I just want her to stay tiny and precious. I usually shy away from holding infants and here I have my own and I don’t want her to grow. At times I cannot believe she is mine, she is ours; but, she is and what a precious gift. Thank you God for our Rayna, for our song of the Lord. We praise you for this incredible gift. Take her, protect her, grow her into a beautiful young woman.

Savoring the 9th Month

This is my journal entry from a week ago that I wanted to blog to capture my thoughts of labour/delivery and parenthood, before they become realities. Really how can I know what to expect? So I wanted to write down my thoughts so I can reflect on them after the fact. I invite you to share in them with me and we can reflect together in a few weeks time (and maybe laugh at my naivety) with a little more experience to guide my thoughts.

Can I savour this moment? It’s been a grey winter. We haven’t left Chilliwack area since Christmas. We have an impending major life change approaching in a time line that I can’t control, nor precisely define. I’ve had a busy, but very productive and pleasant work week. And now I sit here with my laptop, with this blank work document ready to have words scattered on its page and I am excited to write and I am excited that I am excited to write. The sun is shining and today I am going to go conquer Teapot hill at 8 months pregnant and I feel healthy and my baby feels well within me. I have less than 2 weeks left of work before I embark fully mind, body, soul into this new endeavor of challenging parenthood. I come from employment where I feel accomplished and where the remuneration is considerable to a vocation where I have no idea how I will fare with the certain challenges and where the hours are long and there is no punch clock and where financial benefits do not exist.

Can I savour being here, by myself, empowered by the Holy Spirit living within me and having a quiet moment to let Him fortify me with calm and excitement all in one time of reflection. People tell me at work to enjoy these days, because “boy, life will change soon.” And the look in their faces give these words as cautions for what’s ahead. And I do not rush the future, but at the same I do not fear, nor do I dread some of the changes. However, in this moment I am thankful for my uninterrupted quiet and think that perhaps I could develop myself as a writer in these next months. That I could carve out time to escape the wild life of being mom, to sit in a moment and think and put those thoughts onto a page that will last. That I can be open in sharing my life in the way that makes me feel so real and so enriched. Can I mention it again, that I love to write and I love to love to write. What I mean is that when I have thoughts that I want to share and they formulate themselves into words that I can put on paper, well it makes me feel so satisfied. I can savor these words and I can reread and re-experience these words. So here I am in that place and I thank you for joining me here and for sharing in these moments and in these words. Isn’t life just too rich to not want to capture it somehow?

I am excited in these moments! While I look forward to being more limber and being able to walk briskly (never mind run) without clenching my pelvic floor so I don’t feel like I’ll pee myself at any moment, I am also savoring these last moments of pregnancy. I tell people I really feel quite great and it is true! My body is being good to me and that foot that presses out from my belly is so unreal; that foot belong to my child whom I’ll get to meet in a few brief weeks. Physically, pregnancy is a crazy phenomenon. Stop and think: there is a child growing inside of me! The human body is amazing. While I embrace my spiritual existence, I welcome being human, being a physical being. I thank God for the health He has given me that I am able to move my body and stretch it and in this pregnancy that I am able to be part of a physical miracle that is so commonplace we perhaps, fail to stop and think enough about how incredible it is.

In this last month of pregnancy, my feet are starting to swell, my hands go numb just sitting, my belly makes me less agile, my hips ache at times. But I am doubly alive! I love my walks and I love my prenatal yoga. Because it has grown so gradually, my belly doesn’t even seem that big to me. I look in the mirror and picture where my abs once lied and then I realize ‘my goodness look at me’! Now I know that part of how my pregnancy is progressing so well is simply luck, genetics, just the way this pregnancy is. But I am embracing being as healthy as possible in this pregnancy. It was good to keep running through the beginning half of the pregnancy, pushing through the incredible 1^st trimester fatigue. It was good to go hiking, to explore Kauai on foot, on kayak. It’s been great to keep limber with my prenatal yoga. It was good to go to the gym and modify my once intense work-outs to maximize what I could do. It is lovely to enjoy walks with Ryan and by myself along the Vedder trail. Physically, I feel as ready as one could possibly be for labour and delivery. In many ways I look forward to this physical challenge and accomplishment (hence really not wanting a c-section). I say “bring it on!” I’ve run a half marathon, but I have never given birth to a child; that will be my marathon (and Ryan will be my ‘running’ partner)! No pain, no gain! So I don’t know exactly what to expect, but I expect endorphins to kick in. When I run, I run 10 minutes and walk 1 minute. So my contractions will be my run interval and my break will be my walk interval. At about Km 10 in the half marathon, I knew I could do it, but there is still a lot of road left ahead. I imagine labour will be like that too; so much pain and in the beginning so much time ahead. But I want to press on, knowing Ryan’s right there beside me, ready for the endorphins to kick in when I hit KM 19 and only have 2 KM to go and my legs are tired, and the pain will get even more intense, but the goal is just ahead. In a way, I just can’t wait for labour. Let’s do this thing! (And I pray that God would allow a smooth delivery with respect to aspects out of my control such as baby’s positioning and baby’s progression through the birth canal and baby’s general health during labour and delivery.)

So here I am in these last weeks in a ‘funny’ state. I don’t mind being pregnant, I’m really not that uncomfortable. I have some moments of quiet which will soon require much more effort to obtain. Ryan and I can sleep in on days off. I can arrange my schedule. But I am ‘ready’ for this next challenge.

I cannot speak of this next challenge without discussing my current thoughts on impending parenthood. I suppose I have a similar philosophy to labor and delivery. Really you can only be so ready, and so I feel as ready as I will ever be and therefore, let’s just do this thing and see how we do! (Yesterday, I had a mini-epiphany. Well perhaps that’s too dramatic a statement. But, you see I’ve been really not wanting to deal with grumpy people at work lately. The irrational people. The people who have a mandate to make life miserable for everyone. I realized yesterday, that though I have only 2 weeks of work left, 2 weeks of potential encounters with ‘grumpies’ that I am responsible to deal with, there is life ahead of potential ‘grumpies’ living in my OWN home! So let me just consider that dealing with grumpy people is a life skill well worth having.)

After going through our prenatal class together, I think this little bundle growing inside of me is going to capture our hearts in a way we cannot predict. Neither of us are newborn fanatics, but I think we will think she is adorable whether she has a squishy head or baby acne etc. We love her already. We call her by name. We desire life’s best for her. Becoming a parent makes me think of what I want to teach our child. I love to teach and I am so thankful for all the formal and informal education I have been granted. I can only feel that through the differences in Ryan and me, our daughter will have a solid foundation to thrive in life and I cannot wait to start learning from her as well.

After all this writing, I just can’t wait to meet you baby girl and announce your arrival to this world!

Christmas Letter 2011

I love this time of year: Christmas letter writing season. It’s an opportunity for me to reflect on the year that has been in our family’s life. In looking back at this year, I’m not sure I have adequate words to voice the beautiful year it has been. Once again God has been faithful to our family and has poured out rich blessings into our lives and we are so graciously thankful that we are able to share them with our dear family and friends.

Highlight of 2011

Early in January our plans for 2011 took a drastic shift. Our anticipation of a baby in May was dashed with news of our miscarriage. This was a season of sorrow and loss for us, but also, a season of growth in our relationship with one another and those that surrounded us in support. We learned much about the limits of human-planning and were well embraced by God’s love. During this time I learned of God’s desire to bless His followers and of His faithfulness, even in times of loss and then of waiting. And now we rejoice with expectant hearts for the arrival of our baby in March! We are so thankful for this gracious gift.

Family

Our year has been filled with much celebration with family. Early January travels brought us to Maui with my family where we watched Rachael (our niece) delight in digging in the sand and Isaiah (our nephew) beam that the ocean is his favorite color: blue! Three weeks after returning from Hawaii we were off to Florida to spend a week at Ryan’s parents’. This year in Florida we made no plans and used the time as a much needed simple time of warmth and relaxation. It is always nice to enjoy simple pleasures such as swimming outside in February, running in shorts and tank-top, shopping, and visiting.

It had been a year and a half since we first introduced my parents to our new home of Chilliwack, so it was a much welcomed visit when my parents arrived in April for Easter. We enjoyed a lovely Easter dinner together with both sets of our parents graciously hosted by Ryan’s mom. Also, my dad’s favorite sport was always baseball, so I wanted to take him to a Major League Baseball game in Seattle as a Father’s Day present; we all enjoyed an exciting game (though not in favor of the Seattle Mariners)! We also visited some of our favorite local spots including the Othello tunnels and Bridal Falls.

Our July long weekend was spent at my sister’s place in Okotoks where we were able to spend lots of time with the ever growing Isaiah and Rachael. My close friend Rahimay and her husband, Joseph, also drove out from Calgary to have dinner together and a marshmallow roast one evening. This was all just a “bonus” since the primary reason for the trip was the celebration of Ryan’s cousin’s wedding in Carstairs where we were able to connect with family we hadn’t seen for a while. Shortly upon our return we were off to meet my family at Revelstoke at the Noah’s Ark “Resort” for a second year in a row. It was a long drive for a quick trip, but we were beaming with the exciting news of being pregnant!

August was Saskatchewan month. Ryan and I decided to make our trip home, a road trip. We stopped en route for a night in Okotoks before continuing to Swift Current where the highlight was celebrating Mom’s 60^th birthday. We organized a BBQ in the park with lots of family in attendance and had a wonderful time catching up with relatives we hadn’t seen for a year. The road trip continued as we headed to Palliser Beach at Diefenbaker lake to meet up with Brad and Ashley. We had a brief visit with Ryan’s Uncle Darryl and Auntie Shelley in Herbert before settling in at Ashley’s parents’ cabin at the lake. The weather was terrific and the guys wakeboarded all day long as us pregnant wives cheered them on from the boat. Next stop: Saskatoon. We enjoyed catching up with Ryan’s family and some friends before making our way back to Chilliwack.

August also brought the arrival of Josiah William into the Rostek family, born to Ryan’s brother & sister-in-law Josh & Cassie. Ryan’s parents celebrated their first grandchild and we have enjoyed being able to watch him grow from 1 day old, since they live so close by.

Friendship

This year has also been filled with numerous wonderful times with friends. We spent the first weekend in March in Whistler with a group of friends including our friend Brad who flew out to join us. The girls cross country skied while the guys hit the slopes to snowboard and in the evening we cozied up in our rustic cabin for dinner and games.

In March I had the pleasure of a visit from my good friend, Erin, from Saskatoon who was celebrating the completion of her PhD. We soaked all our worries from the previous months away with a visit to the Harrison Hot Springs Hotel, made a trip to the outlet mall near Seattle and hiked the classic Chilliwack hike: Teapot.

Our summer was rounded out by numerous activities with Chris and Vicky. We hiked some classic Chilliwack area hikes (Lindeman, Elk, and Sumas mountain) topping off the season on September long weekend with a getaway to Squamish including hiking The Chief. This is one of the most spectacular hikes we have done so far with dramatic views of the area and sheer drops that had me cautioning Ryan not to get too close. Our only camping trip of the summer included white water rafting down the Thompson River by Lytton, BC in July; a fun trip not too far from home! Now as I wrap up writing our Christmas letter, it is one week away from Christmas and we are enjoying the company of Chris and Vicky in Whistler. The snow is melting outside, but the guys are still snowboarding and Vicky and I hit the downhill tube park for some excitement since the cross country trails are too sloppy.

We have also enjoyed watching our friends’ families expand and continue to pray with those friends who desire the joy of children. Of particular note, we were able to meet Raymond, Brad and Ashley’s little guy, as they stopped en route to California in November. Of course, 2 month old baby Ray was adorable and we appreciated his visit as the next one may be a long time coming.

Other Highlights

It was wonderful to open up our home to both Erin and my parents this spring and they politely accepted that our toilet situation was a little strange. You see, Ryan initiated his operation toilet train Fritz. You can ask Ryan about all the details of his successful cat toilet training, but suffice it to say that our visitors were okay to share a toilet with us while Fritz monopolized his own during training. It is now lovely that we are litter-box free and we have a toilet with auto flush so Fritz can do his business with no clean-up required. Indeed, this is one of Ryan’s biggest accomplishments of 2011!

One of my biggest accomplishments of 2011 was completing my first half-marathon at the Run for Water in Abbotsford on May 29. I knew this was a goal I wanted to accomplish soon, but with a knee set-back in December I was unsure when I would be able to. With support from my awesome running partner Sarah, massages, and chiropractor visits I was in great shape and completed it in 2 hours 47 seconds! Ryan also ran in the 10Km run at this event, so it was fun to be able to participate in this “together”.

In May we officially solidified our commitment to our church by becoming members of Central Community Church here in Chilliwack. It is great to have made Chilliwack home, and great to have the support of and be a support to a fabulous church. If you are interested our video testimonies can be viewed at http://vimeo.com/23182704

We have both been blessed with great work opportunities in the past 2 years, and in June we were both able to enjoy new “positions” with work. After much hesitation to apply for the position, I finally applied for and became Pharmacy Manager of the Pharmacy at Walmart. I have enjoyed the position more than I even thought I would and though my work days are busier it has also increased my work satisfaction. Ryan and his friend Nate created Persona Blinds here in the Fraser Valley (personablinds.ca), an offshoot company of The Blind Factory in Saskatoon. At first it was a lot more “work” than Ryan was used to on a daily basis, but the business is really taking shape these days and holds an exciting future.

The Last Hoorah

With summer wrapped up we began to plan for what we called “Our last Hoorah.”: our last vacation just the 2 of us. We love Hawaii and had wanted to see the island of Kauai, so that decided our destination. We celebrated my 30^th birthday with an Aloha party (aloha--goodbye--20’s, aloha--hello--30’s) and were off the next weekend to one of our best holiday’s yet. Everything about our Kauai vacation was spectacular: our beach front room in our hotel, the complimentary daily buffet breakfast, our adventures all over the island (exploring various beaches, hiking in the canyon, river kayaking, hiking in mud to a waterfall, taking a catamaran ride along the secluded Napali coast, snorkeling) the lovely warmth of Hawaii sunshine, and an opportunity to really connect as a couple and get excited about the upcoming changes in our life.

Indeed this year has been full of so many good things. I too easily forget what we have been given and despite trying to keep this letter as succinct as possible the blessings of this year are too numerous to limit to a page or even two. We thank you all for sharing in our lives and welcome a new year and a new horizon of opportunity.

This Christmas we celebrate Emmanuel, God with us, and we pray that each one of you would be able to experience the LIFE that having God with you brings.

Merry Christmas with love from

Ryan & Cheryl & “bump”

Fritz

Rediscovering Passion

Yesterday morning I had a mini epiphany. I was drinking my tea thinking about the prior day, enjoying a few moments of relaxation before heading to work for 8AM. Work these days has felt just like that: work. I find myself daydreaming of being back in Kauai, I struggle with having a good attitude about going to work ready to work, I have to push myself not just to coast as much as possible, and I’ve glanced at the clock to count down the hours numerous times when that’s not usually a habit of mine. So I am trying to have a good attitude about work, but it is hard and I feel tired from the culmination of being busy beyond the hours of my full time job.

So yesterday in my brief moments before I headed out the door a conversation from my previous work day played through my head. One of our regular patients told me she was glad I keep working at our pharmacy. My reply was an unhesitated “of course!”. We had a lovely conversation in which she voiced her appreciation of me and the service I provide to her at work. We further spoke of family and the anticipation of my own. It wasn’t until nearly a day later that I realized the significance of how she phrased her words and how I quickly replied. She was glad I continue to work at Walmart pharmacy in Chilliwack. You see as of late I ask myself sometimes why I keep working. But ‘of course’ the reason is my opportunity to serve well and interact with people so special like Mrs. D. I feel like God used this woman’s words to encourage me in my work and remind me of the opportunities my job affords me.

This interaction with my patient makes me think of what’s been on my mind and heart lately. My heart has been pulled with compassion for the elderly. This is a demographic I have long been fond of, but I have been so busy lately that I haven’t made opportunity to focus on this passion. I strongly believe in the great value of elderly individuals and fully acknowledge that our society is structured to view them as inconveniences. The result is that if an elderly person does not have a strong advocate who can navigate our fast-paced, information overloaded society well, their needs are neglected and their quality of life is diminished. There are so many elderly individuals who need stand-in advocates for them, or simply need a friend to share company with. So what is the answer? It’s a big question, but I know what my answer can be. Befriend one senior at a time. You see, one of my dearest friends of my lifetime was an elderly, blind woman who has impacted my life immeasurably. I am rediscovering my passion, and isn’t that what life is all about? As I’ve read through the scripture this past year, verses that remind us to care for the poor, love the underprivileged, have bothered me. Because I ask, what am I doing? But these verses mention a wide group of people: poor, homeless, widows, disadvantaged and neglected. I am starting to see what these verses are spurring me to do. Love my elders, and find even just one person who needs some extra love and dish it out.

(Thank you mom for fostering a love of seniors in my heart and for teaching me through your words and actions compassion that is both practical and meaningful. The older I get the more I see I have much yet to learn from you, mom. Love you!)