Just a friendly UPDATE

Update

I feel like an update is long overdue.  Where I’m at including struggles and blessings, what I’ve been up to, where I am headed.

How I’m feeling/everyday life

With the supports I have in place (our nanny 4 days a week and my mother in law helping out) I’m doing very well.  What this means is that although my energy is more limited than in the past, I am at least able to manage when and how I want to use my energy.  I have to go to bed right after the kids at least a couple nights of the week and often take a rest during the day; but this allows me the energy I need to invest in what matters most to me. 

I continue to find multi-tasking very challenging.  I do well when I focus on one task at a time.  I end up “short-circuiting” if I am pulled in more than one direction.  This can be frustrating at times; but also with an awareness of it I can prepare better to prevent system overload.

I can handle and enjoy a couple hours of more intense energy output (either physical or mental/noise); but then I need a rest.  These activities include things such as watching my kids, preparing/organizing for an outing, going for a run, being in an environment with lots of noise (such as family gatherings with adult conversation and kid noise in the background or the church lobby with the buzz of conversations before and after church.)  Noise now factors in to what makes me tired as does multitasking/organizing where the mind needs to be aware of multiple requirements.  (In fact I found it interesting how tiring it felt to travel by myself to Calgary by airplane in fall.  I’ve traveled quite a bit and this was a very simple route I’ve taken numerous times; but being completely responsible for myself and the buzz of all the people in the airport was tiring.  I was glad that I’m a relatively well-seasoned traveler so I was able to travel solo even though its taxing and mentally demanding.) 

My Christmas letter noted the specifics of what I’ve been up to.  The day in/ day out is variable but has a rhythm focused on getting my daughter to and from school and making sure I figure out something to feed my family.  If I have no appointments and don’t need a rest on the days my nanny is at our house, I often spend time at the library.  Slowly I’m getting closer and closer to completing the first draft of my novel.  Thursdays, I still try to make a retreat “day” (days are realistically only from 10AM until 2PM when I go pick up my daughter).  Here I work on my legacy writing.  I have only 5 or 6 letters left to write to my children for each year through adulthood.  “after school” I typically work on errands, chores, or school reading exercises for Rayna, since after supper my energy is usually zapped (I am very much enjoying facilitating teaching Rayna to read- she gets frustrated, but always wants to try; also I just finished reading her the youth version of the book I am Malala.  This was delightful – we were both inspired and it opened Rayna up to part of the rest of the world as well as to how reading can “take” you anywhere.)

MRI

I have my next MRI coming up this week (results to follow at the end of next week).  Awaiting these results has always been nerve-racking.  I’m currently experiencing mild headaches (probably tension headaches from typing/tending to small kids!) which just gets my mind going. (Also I noticed a small hard bump on my head about 3 weeks ago that may very likely be just from me bumping my head --- the girls have bunkbeds and I bang my head way too often tucking Alli in L---- but it’s ‘something’ that my mind may use to deceive me into thinking negatively.

All this to say, I continue to be optimistic about my results and I ask you to pray with me that God’s perfect love would drive out fear.  That I would hold loosely to what the results will be and trust God.  I rest in HOPE.  My friend shared a devotional with me today that quoted:

 Romans 5:5 “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given us”

Pray with me for miraculous results.

Hope in God does not disappoint.  So I am all-in hoping for the best; trusting God no matter what.

GOALS

My goals for the upcoming months and year are as follows:

-       Complete my first draft of my novel

-       Begin and eventually complete writing out my story

-       Keep blogging, living real life like an open-book

-       Potentially explore speaking opportunities

And on my heart is a desire to bless the women of Chilliwack.  (The following isn't completely clear to me so bear with me if it isn't completely clear to you either!) I’ve received so much from so many people to help me in my challenges – from cosmetics through the cancer center and a beautiful gift basket for moms with cancer to gifts from personal friends, a jewelry party in my honor, etc. etc.  I needed the extra HOPE that these gifts helped to create; BUT SO DO SO MANY WOMEN IN MY CITY who are struggling in hopelessness of a variety of capacities (financial struggles, social struggles, mental health struggles, wounds of abuse, or like me crippling health struggles)!!!  As a pharmacist at Walmart I was privileged to meet people struggling in many of these capacities ---- so I know first hand the need to bless and breathe hope into people in this city.  (My heart just happens to bend particularly to women.)

My vision is to champion sharing our stories to learn from one another and grow in love for one another.

My mission (though its still developing) is to champion bringing HOPE to Chilliwack women in 'hopeless' situations.

I will never forget the first breath of real hope I received after my diagnosis.  It was from my wonderful colleague who told me Glioblastoma survivor stories and told me I could be one of them.  Her words opened up a world of HOPE to me.  Similarly, I want to breathe hope into other women's lives.

I’m not sure exactly what this will practically look like; but I have a dear friend of mine prepared to partner with me and hopefully launch something near the end of the year.  We have ideas and are excited to see how they will take shape.  I’ve become somewhat used to the fact that things happen slowly in my life; but I am excited for small steps toward this.

Partnership Opportunities

I invite you to continue to partner with me by reading my blog and sharing it and by praying.  My prayer requests are:

--Praise to our great God for His faithfulness and the blessings He has poured out on my family this past year.

            -- **Miraculous MRI results next week**

            -- **Peace as I wait for my MRI results**

            --wisdom and energy for my friend and myself to develop a beautiful and practical way to bless women in Chilliwack.

            -- I have an online twin mom friend (her twins are a bit younger than mine) with cancer named Charlene, who just found out, rather shockingly, that her cancer spread.  Please pray for her and her family (they love Jesus too), for healing, wisdom, hope and peace. 

            

Now this next “partnership opportunity” I add humbly and admittedly sheepishly.  I feel an explanation is required, sorry it’s lengthy. The partnership opportunity is MEALS/FOOD

--cooking has always been a challenge for me, it's simply something I do not enjoy (except for eating the home cooked meal!).  Plus as I mentioned multi tasking has become much more challenging for me, it just doesn't seem to work! ---and cooking requires a lot of multi-tasking! (I'm sure it's partially"mom brain" but I also believe there's a brain injury component from all my brain has had to deal with.)

All this to say, we are coping well with the blessed help of our nanny and my mother-in-law; but putting food on the table is still my greatest daily stressor.

So I present this opportunity IF and only IF (all of the below):

1) cooking is something you actually like to do

2) ‎you desire to support me and partner with me in accomplishing my goals 

3) you have a surplus of energy

4) the words that I write are ministering to you &/or you also have a heart for the things that I do and am striving to promote &/or you just want a practical way to support/bless our family.

NOTE- this is not an urgent request and really 1 meal a week or so is all it would take to really feel my load lightened. (Message me for arrangements if you’d like to partner with me in this way or email me at cheryl.rostek@gmail.com)

And from the bottom of my heart – Thank you for loving me and my family and supporting us.  Finding and maintaining HOPE is truly a community endeavor.

Much love,

Cheryl

Better To Have Loved

I wrote the following post and immediately felt that it was perhaps my most raw and beautiful post yet.  I wanted Ryan’s consent before publishing it; he immediately supported me posting it.  I reread my post, and was again pleased with what I had written.  But in this post I feel vulnerable in a new way, so I’ve hesitated, letting this document sit in my “unpublished” folder.  The thought crossed my mind, perhaps this is too personal to share.  It’s been a week.  Today in my quiet time I wrote this:

What good is a closed book on the shelf – collecting dust?
(No use at all.)
And so I choose to live my life as an open book.

So today I share.

Better to Have Loved

 Yesterday, I faced her.  Fear, grief, loss, emotion that can’t be labeled; it just sits in the gut raw and real and calls to be heard.  I didn’t intentionally decide I was now ready to face her.  In a way she popped up; I guess my heart and soul and body knew I was ready to enter this stage of grief. 

 I’m almost done writing letters to my children for each year of their lives through graduation.  This has been an onerous project; daunting at first – so many letters to write, how much time to write them unknown.  But it is beautiful as I enter these moments of writing letter I find myself traveling time.  I feel so very present in the moments I am writing for and yet so very absent.  It breaks my heart and builds me up all in the same stroke.  It is sorrow and celebration intertwined.  With over a year of writing these letters I am well versed in the dance of hoping mightily for the future, preparing for the “worst”, and trying to live fully present joyfully in today. 

 Yesterday I sat down to write letters to my children.  When I sit with this intention the words spill out onto paper, tumbling without effort.  But, yesterday I sat and I was cracked open when what spilled out was raw, real, beautiful love of a different sort.  I invite you to come along the journey, as intimate as it may be, because this beauty is too marvelous not to share.

 I have a legacy notebook, a journal for keeping track of the letters I have written and ideas for future letters.  Upon my cancer diagnosis I jotted down a list of “plans” for my letters: letters to my children each year, letters to Ryan, writing out our wedding story….  There is always more to write about.  Number three on my list was “write a letter to my kids’ future mom and my husband’s future wife”.  It sat there untouched, not needing to be opened, until yesterday when I happened upon writing this letter.

 I wrote the letter- to my husband’s future wife, with tears falling; but I remained composed and did not crumble into a weeping mess.  I came home to my busy life, made supper with my husband then bid him goodnight as he left to play pickleball. I fell asleep in my daughter’s bed as she asked me to lay beside her at bedtime.  I awoke and traipsed to my own bed, ready to continue my slumber.  But my grief said, “we are not finished yet.”

 I began sobbing, crying.  The letter came back.  I put on the song that my husband recorded for me.  I grieved that I would lose this man, by me losing my life.  When he came home I was awake crying.  The words to explain my tears felt impossible to say.  He was patient and waited until I was ready.  I mustered courage and resolve, “today I wrote a letter to your future wife” I said.  “Oh” He replied, knowly, “I see”.  We didn’t say much, other than acknowledging the awareness of this potential reality.  We held one another.  Maybe, he just held me?  We said enough to know that we love one another in a way that we would never have imagined 15 years ago when we were married.  We are in this together and it is beautiful.  The trust and intimacy of bravely facing this challenge together is inexplicable. 

 By writing a letter to my husband’s future wife I realized how dearly I cherish my husband and desire the ultimate best for his life.  But I also realized I have moved through stages of grief.  These stages are not linear, but I have seen sorrow, and anger, and bargaining --- oh to find the “right prayer” to say to God,---- and here I realize I am journeying into something new.  It may be called acceptance. 

Luke 9:24 says:

 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

 I am learning not to cling so tightly to this life of mine and this is precipitating a life-giving transformation.  Maybe this has helped me come to a place of acceptance?

 Acceptance.  Acceptance that I have been diagnosed with a life-threatening stage 4 cancer said to most certainly dramatically shorten my life.  Acceptance does NOT mean that I am giving up fighting to live.  Acceptance does NOT mean I am giving up hope.  Acceptance means the emotions have parted, at least temporarily, and I am able to see peace in the reality before me.  Perhaps this acceptance ought to be called “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Phil 4:7) Whatever we call her, I am being transformed.

 While I used to desperately petition God for my life, now its become a quieter request.  A steadfast knowing that God sees my heart and knows my desires.  A steadfast knowing that God is in the future, just as he’s been in the present.  A steadfast knowing that a simple, whispered request is as powerful as a mighty, emotional plea. 

 I believe in an Almighty God with power to hear and to act; but, regardless of what happens, I put my faith in Him and trust in Him as I walk out the remainder of my days - as many or as few as they may be.  I find beauty everywhere I turn.  I live in the beautiful of today because I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  My husband’s embrace, my children’s hugs and smiles, words shared between friends: these are no longer taken for granted. 

 I feel like the luckiest girl alive, to have been pursued by and fallen in love with my handsome, caring, wise, optimistic, and adventurous husband. 

Alfred Lloyd Tennesen said, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

 Oh how sweet the love I have for my husband.  That he has chosen me, feels incredible.  How sweet to know how deeply he loves me in return.  He writes me songs, what greater act of romance could there be?

 In releasing my husband to freely marry again, shall I die, I have uncovered the depths of our love for each other.  It is love incomparably beautiful.  We are journeying dark roads;  but we are hand in hand, and we have the beacon of God’s love to illuminate our path.

 Strangely, I have come to welcome grief and fear and loss.  For they cannot steal joy, they cannot steal love.  Indeed, strangely they have come to do quite the opposite: I find love and joy increasingly overflowing in my life.  I give thanks for today.  I give thanks for a God who is present in it all: fear and grief and loss and anger and pain and love and hope.  Most of all, hope.  And I remember,

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” I Cor 13:7 (emphasis mine)

Her children stand and bless her

To thrive we all need mentors: people with more life experience than ourselves who can speak encouragement and wisdom into our lives.  I am blessed that I can call my own mother a beloved and faithful mentor in my life.  She raised me to adulthood teaching me, by example, to love Jesus, love learning, and love people.  In adulthood, she continues to be a rock of wisdom and an out-pouring of practical support.  She has never stopped being my mom.  Now, she is grandmother to my children and how blessed they are to have this woman of faith to call Grandma.  I thank God for my mom: that she is still alive and that I can pick up the phone and hear her voice.  Thanks for everything you do, Mom.  For always being there and for setting my needs ahead of your own.  I love you.

2 Timothy 1:5 says

“I know that you sincerely trust the Lord, for you have the faith of your mother…and your grandmother.  This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you…”

I want to share with you all the faith of my mother, which is absolutely inspiring (and reflects the faith her own mother, my grandmother, who I was blessed to know for 13 years).  Indeed it has shaped my own faith which in turn will shape my daughters’ and son’s faith. (Beautiful isn’t it!)

Below is a letter my mother wrote this fall to her church documenting God’s goodness through her storm of battling Multiple myeloma (cancer) and experiencing her daughter’s (mine) brain cancer diagnosis.  I requested permission from my mom to share it on my blog to document my heritage of faith and to be able to bless others with the mighty wisdom and encouragement of my mom.

Three years ago today, September 3, 2014 I received the chemo that would hopefully knock out any remaining myeloma cancer cells in my body and in the process knock my immunity to nothing as well.  That was 6 months into my cancer journey. In other words it is 3 years since my stem cell transplant.  One of those situations where simultaneously it seems like yesterday and yet a lifetime ago as well. 

It is also 11 months since they found Cheryl's brain tumor which would soon thereafter be diagnosed as being an aggressive brain cancer.

I feel like there are things I would like to put on paper about those three years and yet I don't seem to be able to put anything into a logical sequence so I guess I will just start typing in bullet form and see what happens.  So here goes in no particular order...things I have experienced, things learned, things that are just rattling around in my head.  I make it available for you all to read. Perhaps it will encourage someone. If it gets tedious don't feel you must read on. 

-It's not fun having chemo cancer treatments. Stem Cell Transplants are definitely not a piece of cake.  But I've been blessed in that they did what they were supposed to do and put me into remission. However, I'm sure those of you who are parents will understand when I say 'I'd do it all again if that meant we didn't have to watch our children suffer'. 

-We have much to be thankful for.  Good medical people at the right place at the right time for both myself and especially so for Cheryl.  I believe in Jesus the great physician and I also believe that often he works through the gifts of medicine. 

Wonderful people who continue to pray and support.  When I was first diagnosed we were expecting grandchild #5 (with some people having said they doubted I would see that baby).  He is now 3 and we have 3 more grandchildren born since then approaching 2 years of age.  All healthy happy children.  

I was told at one point I was fortunate to be walking and wore a most uncomfortable neck collar for 4 months, but I do a lot more than just walk even if I can't do all I did before.  God has allowed me to have enough strength to be a help with Cheryl's twins when she had her surgery and treatment.  I can't play soccer with Carmen's boys but truth be told they would have played circles around me even if I hadn't been sick so I guess that's OK.  They also enjoy card and table games which I much prefer!

I've been able to ditch all pain medication and control discomfort with rest.

-When I was diagnosed God gave me the verse in Isaiah 26:3 'You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.

- When Cheryl was diagnosed God gave me the verses in Lamentations 3:22-24 - "His mercies are new every morning'.  They have proved to be truth.  See also the hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness".

- Paul the apostle  said God told him 'my grace is sufficient'.  As I look at our church I know many of the rest of you have been in position to test these words as well. Many of you have walked equally or even more difficult roads.   Isn't it wonderful that although 'all we need is Jesus' he gives us so much more. The community of believers is such a blessing and our church has to be among the best.  I know this was what I kept saying in 2014, but to me God did so much for us when he established the notion of church and having us care for one another.  And you have been faithful, you stood by us all through my active treatment time.  Then when Cheryl was diagnosed you just buckled up and supported with caring and prayers again.  I never heard anyone say we had already used up our quota of prayers.  We can't begin to thank you enough.  

-Does this mean that every day is positive or that we never worry.  You know I'd be lying if I said 'yes'.  But:  David gave great praise psalms to us. He also gave us psalms of lament. God hears all our prayers - the laments as well as the praise.  But, as with David if we're honest we always circle back to the fact that God is good and praiseworthy and can be trusted.  

Naomi is often seen as a woman of lament in a negative way, but I recently read something that rang true.  If Naomi didn't in the midst of her struggles exhibit faith in God would Ruth really have claimed Naomi`s God as hers and followed her to a foreign land? 

-Why do some people appear to suffer more than others?? Do you think when we get to heaven it will be an important enough question to ask?  I don't know.  

I realize that there are many forms of suffering. I don't think I/we should try to compare. That's not my purpose.  No matter what the struggle when it's ours it's ours and it's tough.  I write of my experience. God knows each of us by name so I'm sure He also knows our situations.

-Our troubles may surprise us but they don't surprise God.  Isaiah 55:8-9 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways  higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'  

Yes there are days when I have great faith, days when I just marvel at the goodness of God in 'the midst' of everything and then there are days when I dearly  wish there was a 'magic' formula or special prayer that I could recite to take the struggles away and bring perfect health. Days when I think maybe God should listen to the way I think I would do it or times when I'm tempted to try to bargain with God. 

-The God of the Mountain is also the God in the Valley.  Gotta cling to that. But it's truth. 

-Last winter our small group used the book by Laura Story 'When God doesn't Fix It'. Subtitled: lessons you never wanted to learn, truths you can't live without.  (It's worth a read if you're struggling and it is in the church library). 

One of the truths we discussed is how God always has our greater good in mind. Our own view and vision is so limited. He's there to help us grow. We desire the quick fix - but is that really God's best for us. She also wrote the song BLESSINGS - what if God has a greater plan than our idea of a fix?  What if Our blessings are learning to depend on Him more or learning to grow closer to Him. What if our blessings come through rain (tears)?  

-We need to share our stories. As we share we comfort one another, learn together, gain strength. Don't wait for that perfect miraculous ending to share. We rejoice with those who receive such but God's sustenance through a longer trial is also worth rejoicing over.  We also mourn with those who mourn and have to carry on without loved ones. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says God comforts us in our trials so we can comfort others. I believe sharing our stories is a way to do that. It helps when we know we're not alone. It also helps us pray better for each other. 

-I must look for the 'small' blessings.  Small blessings aren't really small at all. 

They are things that God orchestrates as much as major miracles.  But because we're so focused on the 'bad' we often don't recognize them. Look for them. They are faith boosters.  -That special word in my devotional book. 

That phone call at just the right time.  Amazing sunsets on drive to Regina. Cheryl was seen exceptionally quickly by medical people. We all love their nanny. Thank God for the retired nurse friend who pushed them to hire one and recommended Stefanie. Not small - each one big - as a grouping  huge. 

-God is worthy of our praise just because  - because he is God!!! He is after all creator, holy, all powerful, sovereign, omnipotent and perfect. You get the picture.  God is in control.  He knows what's going on AND He loves us with a perfect love. We can trust Him. 

-God is a lavish God. I don't want my daughter to die. God loved His son too but He freely gave His only son Jesus to die for my/our sins. 

We want the quick fix - Jesus freely gave up his life to die a horrible death on a cross to pay a penalty I/we could never pay. Isaiah says our righteous acts were like filthy rags. (wonder how He must see our unrighteous acts??)  We couldn't begin to face a holy God without Jesus' blood. 

I'm sure there's more I could say, but this has become long as is.  As you have stood with us you are part of the story.  And I'm so grateful for each and every one.

God Bless

Alice (and Arnold)

**reference for the title "Her children stand and bless her" Proverbs 31:28 (NLT)

    

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

What a delightful Christmas it was! (though capturing 2 toddlers in a picture is near impossible!)

Christmas Letter 2017

Christmas Letter 2017

(photos to follow at some point)

Luke 1:37  The angel answered [Mary] “…For nothing is impossible with God.”

What a year it has been!  It’s truly amazing what has happened this past year from January until December.  Life this year has been rich, beautiful, exhausting, terrifying, exciting, and incredibly BLESSED.  I am entering into Christmas this year with the wonder and excitement of a child!  I am buying gifts joyfully, anticipating Christmas morning with the same thrill as my 5 year old.  And at the heart of Christmas, I am uncovering more of just who Jesus is and why celebrating his birth is so spectacular! God has given an abundance of gifts to our family this year.  Let me share them with you.  (It’s been a long and BIG year, hence you get a long and BIG letter!)

The beginning of this year was difficult, a roller coaster, and felt kind of like slugging through chest deep mud.  I completed my radiation treatments mid January, continuing with 6 more monthly cycles of the chemotherapy I had been taking alongside the radiation.  The fatigue from these treatments was very challenging.  I encountered tired on so many different levels and was at the same time processing the emotional implications of my diagnosis.  All the while, our family continued to be ever so demanding.  Praise God for our nanny Stefanie, who came on board 4 full days a week at the beginning of the year and continues to be a Godsend and complete answer to prayer in our lives!

I started having weekly Tuesday dates (usually to starbucks) with Rayna which delighted both of us.  I felt like I was having some “catch-up” on quality time with her that had been non-existent since the twins were born.

Moreover, with the support of Ryan’s parents, Ryan and I were also able to take a couple lovely mini getaways to Harrison Hot Springs early in the year.

Furthermore, in February our family traveled with Ryan’s mom and Ryan’s Brother, his wife and their 2 young kids to Oceanside California.  Oceanside was absolutely lovely even though the weather was cool.  I was too exhausted to properly enjoy this trip; but the kids had fantastic cousins time together and looking at the photos today, I want to go back!

In March we watched our 4 year old Rayna turn into a beautiful (sometimes a bit sassy) 5 year old, seemingly overnight.  It was a delight to celebrate her birthday with her friends, with extended family, and with our second annual Mom, Dad and Rayna birthday lunch at Cactus Club!

Through out the year we graciously welcomed my parents (Mom and Dad came for 3 weeks over Easter; and Mom came for 3 weeks in October).  We also had our dear friends Brad and Ashley visit in Feb, and my cousin, Amy visit from Winnipeg in May.

Ryan continues to participate in pickleball tournaments whenever possible.  Though more challenging to leave for a few days at a time, he was able to participate in a major US tournament in Washington State and the Canadian National Tournament in Kelowna, BC as well he continues to organize and host local Chilliwack tournaments alongside his Dad through out the year.  With the help of my gracious Mother in law, Ryan has been free to continue pursing this passion!  And he further received the coveted 5.0 (highest-caliber) status this year! 

 

As spring was rolling into summer a favorite family time was hiking our local Flood Falls.  We also went to Harrison Hot Springs for a couple nights in June with Ryan’s family. Then, in July, the splash-park across the street from our place became essentially our backyard!

In July I completed my chemo treatments and off we launched our monumental and epic nearly 4 week summer vacation!  You can read my blog-post about our Summer Vacation for details; but it was superb!  Shuswaps with friends, to reconnecting with Saskatchewan and Alberta family and friends, to a week at camp Oshkidee!  A huge thank you to everyone who made this trip extra special for us.  I have tears of endearment for all the work you friends and family put in to making this a memorable, cherished memory.

Summer was also punctuated by the delights of Cultus Lake.  We enjoyed the Waterslides and the Adventure Park as well as swimming in the lake!

September brought 3 majors changes: firstly, I was figuring out what a “new normal” looked like for me.  Secondly, Rayna entered Kindergarten at a school within walking distance from our home.  These changes have proved to be delightful as Rayna LOVES school and I am finding my new rhythm filling my days; I enjoy bringing Rayna to and from school.  Furthermore, writing has become my “day job”.  I am working towards completing my novel I started years ago, I have a goal to write out my story when my first draft of my novel is finished, and I’m keeping up with blogging.  All the while it has become so important for me to maintain, build and start the valuable relationships which keep me full of hope, inspiration and life! Thirdly, Ryan hired our friend, Crystal, to begin selling blinds for his business, hence launching The Chilliwack Blind Factory (chilliwackblindfactory.ca).   

This past year has opened up joyous delights for Ryan and I of time spent together as husband and wife, falling in love all over again!  We celebrated our 15 year wedding anniversary this year in June.  This anniversary plus my 1-year Survivor anniversary sparked a trip for Ryan and I to VEGAS in October!  Though we arrived the day after the devastating shooting, we made necessary hotel changes and were able to enjoy rejuvenating time away.   

In November Ryan helped me arrange a getaway to Canmore to visit with my Mom and Sister.  This was a restorative, heart-filling, casual time of spending time together with actually having opportunity to talk (no kids!) and relax together.  It was simply lovely!

Two highlights of Dec this far include our family being featured in our Neighborhood magazine as well an opportunity for me to speak at a ladies' Christmas brunch and share my story.

Now as we head well into December and look back it is incredible to see the growth in the kids!  The twins turned 2 in October and from that point life is slowly, but steadily becoming more manageable.  Garrett is developing into quite the sweet and active boy; usually smiling and on the  move!  Allison continues to both love snuggles and to assert her spunky personality. It is delightful (and exhausting) to watch and facilitate their development!

We began this year with weekends being, honestly, dreadful, to arriving at a place where weekends are filled with opportunity for family fun time!  As expected, there never seems to be enough time in the days for everything we want to accomplish; but we have reached a place of much thriving, rather than simply (barely) surviving.  Praise God!  And thank you to everyone who has continued to support us in prayer, meals, visits, phone calls.  We particularly appreciate our mothers who have worked so hard to keep life going for us!  We love you, moms!  We celebrate YOU all who have empowered us to thrive!!!

Most of all, Praise be to our Lord Jesus Christ!  We adore you.  We celebrate you and celebrate everything you have done for us in 2017.  We welcome you this season and we anticipate you to do good, big and bold things in 2018.

Merry Christmas!  We love you!!!

Love Ryan & Cheryl, Rayna (5 years old), Garrett and Allison (2 years old)  Rostek

Advent Letter 2017

I'm still working through some of this and I apologize for the lack of conciseness and clarity; but I post this regardless in hopes that you are able to be encouraged and inspired this Christmas season.

Advent Letter 2017

This year I sat with the verses from Luke 1 as I prepared for Advent.  These verses spurred a passion in my heart for women, which I was able to speak about as part of my story that I shared at a Christmas women’s brunch last week. 

I will openly share that talk; but today

As I sit to write down all the thoughts that have been dancing around in my head surrounding Advent I am overcome with a spectacular sense of Who Jesus is.  In Luke 2 when Mary learns she is pregnant with a baby conceived by the Holy Spirit she says, “For nothing is impossible with God.”. 

Jesus’ brilliance rests in his Who he is.  The Son of the Almighty God, conceived by the Holy Spirit to a virgin.  Full of wisdom, humility, counter-culturalism, and mighty, MIGHTY POWER.  He demonstrated the power to heal, He demonstrated the power to save and forgive souls, He demonstrated His ability to give “more and better life than you could ever have imagined” (John 10:10)

The last month I have wrestled with the notion that what I believe is “crazy”.  After spending an evening with 2 of my close friends reflecting on Advent and the passage in Luke 2, I came home in disbelief.  I said to Ryan (the voice of ultra-logic in my life) , “How can you believe what we believe?”  I knew he had spent much time with his buddies debating the answers to unanswerable biblical questions. “How have you come to a point of being okay accepting the craziness of our faith?”  

It is irrational to believe that Jesus came through virgin birth, died on the cross and rose again to forgive us from our sins.  I spent this past year pressing into God out of desperation.  I needed a Hope outside myself, bigger than myself, and I knew I could find it in Jesus.  I started seeking Him with my whole heart because the bible says, “If you seek me you will find me, if you seek me with your whole heart.”  But what I found was a God who doesn’t make sense to my rational, logical, science-trained mind.  I started truly seeing what the bible says about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  And I needed to wrestle with jumping all in to such a “crazy” belief.  I was also preparing to talk to a room of women about my belief and so I needed to be certain I could proclaim with all of me, the words that just didn’t have any logic.  I had a lengthy talk with Ryan hoping I could find myself confident in what I believe as I was about to assert it. 

Ryan’s advice was that you just have to not think too much.  You have to come to a point where you jump onboard.  He sees the benefit of faith itself and the principles of Jesus make sense and embody what he desires to be like.  For the logic you just have to not get bogged down in it, faith is not logical but what it offers matters so much.  I had easily seen the benefit of my faith in the past and so easily believed in the past; but at this point I wasn’t quite satisfied.  There needed to be a bigger driving force to align myself with surreal and illogical beliefs. 

As I sought more I found myself seeing that we are spiritual beings.  We all crave “touchy-feely” moments and from my experience if you don’t acknowledge you crave them, then you are a person with a grumpy disposition (aka miserable).  We’re created with a soul that isn’t tangible.  Furthermore, we have emotions and there are just things that science can’t explain.  I remember in research there were things that should just work; but in practice they don’t.  Logic only goes so far.  My own counselor told me that people who have Hope and Faith do better in their cancer journey.  This cannot be explained by logic; but Hope matters!  Spirituality matters! I experienced it, we need something greater than dismal statistics!  When I was diagnosed with cancer the first breath of Hope I received was incredible (my colleague who pulled out stories of glioblastoma survivors).  It held POWER.

So, I realized there is no reasoning your way into faith.  Faith is just that, faith.  I have seen the evidence the past year of God’s goodness and faithfulness.  Without the hope of Jesus there is no way I would have had a focal point, a driving force, the something bigger than myself that I needed to get through this past year. 

Moreover, in Sept. I was sitting in an emotionally charged church service.  I felt no emotion; but at the same time felt God communicate to me so strongly and calmly that He is the Faithful One.  He doesn’t need the hype or emotion to be present.  He is always there.  This is the Jesus I knew!  This is the Jesus I needed and why I found it important to wrestle with the basis of my faith.  I came to a point where I needed to embrace the bible and everything that Jesus is about with all that I am or I need to discard it.  Because the Jesus I am learning about is crazy.  He is bold, miracles are in his hands, He’s powerful, He calls us to love like crazy, to see people as people, to trust that He is enough, to trust that he is in ultimate control.  I NEED THAT JESUS POWER IN MY LIFE.  I came to a point where I said how can I believe what Jesus has claimed?

The bible responded in I Corinthians 1 (my paraphrase) that such a spectacular God would only naturally “do things” in a way that is absurd and foolish to believe because we are humans limited in human rationale.  Okay, I let that mull around.  My rational brain still struggled with such a wild belief.  I needed this Jesus because of the Hope He gave me; but I needed to be certain I wasn’t placing my anchor in utter foolishness.  

I had grown up with this belief system and certainly I had assessed it’s place in my life through out adulthood; but now it REALLY mattered.  I had to resolutely find my belief for myself.  I had to resolutely be prepared to stand by my beliefs.  Whole-heartedly.  All-in.  The belief of those around me was their belief, I needed mine. Rooted. Grounded. 

So I kept seeking, hunting for how this could possibly be so. The faith I had cried out for a year ago needed this hurdle either elegantly leaped over or plowed through.  I’m not sure which exactly happened; but I read this in Ephesians 4.

“Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.”

These verses tell me that by being my head too much I align myself with a hard heart.  I need to get out of my head, out of the futility of my mind.  We all know our minds and bodies trick us into things we don’t actually want to do.  We are spiritual, emotional, as well as physical beings.

This was the final draw.  The hurdle was overcome.  I am a spiritual being.  I need something bigger than myself.  God’s power has already shown itself in my life. So I am compelled to be “all in” believing Jesus is the Mightily Powerful Son of God who He says he is.  I am compelled to believe that I am not alone.  I am compelled to believe that this season I truly worship the birth of Jesus Christ, Savior of the World!

I’ve come to a point where I’m actually reading my bible and taking it to heart and seeing that Jesus promises much; but he also wants all of me.  I’m excited to see what exactly it is Jesus will ask of me this year.

This I know, as I step into faith of who Jesus is I am expecting a marvelous display of His Power in my life.

Thank you Jesus for the celebration of Christmas!!!

To those of you who believe in Jesus I feel compelled to ask you:

If you are choosing to believe the absurdness of Christianity, I ask you, Why?  Do you think about what you believe?  What does it mean that Jesus came to Earth as a baby? If you’ve never met the power of Jesus before, I pray you meet him!  If you’ve forgotten the power of Jesus, can I remind you of the absurdity of your belief?  If you choose to believe that Jesus came to earth through virgin conception, and that He saved us from our sins if we believe in Him and in his crucifiction and resurrection, you are believing in a POWERFUL GOD!  Is that the God you celebrate this Christmas?  Because He. Is. spectacular!

Personally, I am trusting in God’s power in my life, the same power that allowed virgin conception,

You see my mom always told me to stop and count to 10 because I have a way of getting too excited about things.  I am excited about this power of Jesus! But I see too, that the steadfast love of Jesus that my Mom rests her confidence in procures this same power.  This is not hype or emotion.

I look forward to celebrating Jesus this season.  I look forward to seeing what my emboldened Faith in Jesus looks like the whole year through.

Jesus I adore you!   

Perhaps as you sing your Christmas carols this year, you’ll listen to the power of their words, I know I am.  Jesus’ marvelous, brilliant, spectacular arrival that we are invited to celebrate in.  Sing them out loud and clear!

Here’s some of my favorite lyrics, read them, listen to them!

The thrill of hope

Weary world rejoices

For yonder brings

A new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees

Oh hear the angel voices

Much love to you all.  May you truly, wholeheartedly experience God with you this Christmas!  I love you!

Love Cheryl

The Poetry of Life

Below is a poem I penned while on a getaway with my Mom and my Sister.  We had the most lovely, relaxing time in the mountains of Canmore, AB.  During this time the poet within me began to get restless; ever since I've been able to write, but especially during adolescence, I have memories of penning poem after poem after poem.  Writing is a passion of mine, poetry is a key aspect of that passion (even if it has been latent for many years).  When writing prose I can hear my English teacher's wise words echo in my head, "Just say what you mean."  This is fantastic advice I continually return to. But this is also why I love poetry.  In poetry you don't have to say exactly what you mean.  It is free and I love it!  I hope you this poem inspires you to keep your passions fueled and blazing!

The Poetry of Life
By Cheryl Rostek

Oh God, immerse me in the poetry of life;
For, Life has given me the gift of a second chance,
a second life renewed in resolve by the threat of death.
In this new life I shall be what I always dreamed to be: an author.  
I shall write you the beauties of this life
for they are too wonderful not to preserve. 
The gifts which God has so graciously granted me, 
necessitate a place of ink and paper. 
I shall journey into my soul 
and from there bring forth the treasures beset by my Savior, the Lord Himself.  
He is a mystery as mysterious as the words of poetry themselves.
Praise God! I have been given this second chance 
to pen the marvels of my Mighty maker, 
my Sustainer, 
and my Hope.