January 29, 2016
Moments of Joy from my last week or so
I’ve had many moments of beauty the last short while. I’ve held Allison as she drifts off to sleep
for her nap and I’m overcome by her. She
is a breathtaking and captivating girl.
I am certain there will never be a dull moment with Allison in our
family. We’ve been told her incessant
crying is a sign that she will have a spunky personality. I believe this to be true and am starting to
embrace all that she is.
Yesterday Allison was beginning to fuss when she lit up
hearing Rayna talking to me near her. A
smile crept on her face simply from her big sister’s presence. I encouraged Rayna to continue talking and to
sing to Allison. She did. I see the beginning of Rayna really engaging
with her sister and it’s beautiful.
Rayna gives the best embraces to her brother and sister
through out the day and at bedtime. She
is really stepping into her big sister role in stride.
Garrett has become a charmer. He is babbling now and cooing in the most coy
way with irresistible charm. When I’m
nursing him he wants to stop and look into my eyes and talk to me with the
hugest grin (yes this does annoy me some since it interrupts his feed and then
keeping him on track with getting food in his tummy so he’s not up all night is
a challenge – but I must allow myself to fully enjoy the sweetness of these
moments.) His whole face lights up as he
smiles. It is in his nature to be
content and happy.
These moments of joy are flanked with the daily
struggles. I am fighting a cold and
battle to keep my 3 year old from waking me up at 5 in the morning when I’ve
already been up through out the night with the twins. I’m trying to figure out how to get Garrett
to nap more than half an hour and by the afternoon his overtiredness makes him
a seemingly angry little boy to put to down for a nap. I feel like we are fighting and slowly I am
losing control of the situation. Allison
still has cranky days here and there where crying is the tune of our household
and its impossible to get anything else done.
I’m tired of getting up 3 times a night and wonder when I will ever have
a 7 or 8 hour uninterrupted sleep again ( and marvel at how easy I had it with
Rayna who slept through the night by 2 months so I could wake well rested every
morning so I could face the day and have the evening to myself to enjoy). I do not know how I will possibly put food on
the table once my Mom leaves in less than a week. I’m tired of constantly battling to keep my
milk supply up; any blip, like an illness, has me worried I won’t have enough
milk and Allison’s weight is being monitored since she’s skinny and not gaining
as much weight as she should be. Like any parent I look at the clock in the
afternoon and count the hours until the kids’ bedtime…..and there’s one or two
nights a week where Garrett fights his bedtime and so the haven of 7:30 PM is
gone and I keep willing the kid to sleep when finally he drops off as it’s time
for me to go to bed too.
This is my life. The
cliché thing to say would be : “I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” I can’t truthfully say those words right now
(though at least I do not have quite the strongest feelings like Ryan who says
he won’t wish twins on his worst enemy).
But, I can say it is real. It is
human. And in the very real humanity of
my daily life there is much beauty when I stop to look at it. In the reality of my life right now, these
are the moments worth celebrating (and miracles like that its 7:15 AM right now and the kids are all still sleeping!)
I’ve had lovely interactions through out my days this week
too. The mom at the doctor’s
office. I accidentally showed up 20
minutes early for Allison’s appointment and so we visited for some time bonding
over our colicky babies. Everyone’s
story is slightly different but as a parent, challenges are inherent. (I only wish I would have got her phone
number )
The lady working at the store who essentially blocked the
aisle so I couldn’t get by and doted on my twins. At first I was annoyed, to be honest. Then she said, “Twins. How wonderful!” I reply with a cheesy smile
because really it isn’t just always wonderful and my husband would go
further…. But she continues, “I’m a
twin. It probably isn’t actually all
wonderful for you as the mom; but, I LOVE being a twin. It’s awesome. I love it even when I hate my twin
sister.” Followed by an overly
exuberant, but 100% genuine “Congratulations!”
And I see, it’s not all about me. Garrett and Allison will have something
special because they are twins. And Rayna
gets the privilege of knowing what having both a brother and a sister is
like.
This parenting thing is not about me at all. And yet it is about me in that parenting is
perhaps the greatest tool to bring out greatness and wholeness in me. I’ve never been one to shy from a challenge
and so I accept this invitation to journey towards greatness.
