Confessions of a performance driven perfectionist

 Mark 10:16 (MSG) "Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in."

Why do I spend my time hurrying to moments of no lasting significance and hurrying through moments with great lasting value?

Pause.

This life is meant to be a marathon, not a sprint.

I think about this: do i want my life to be over in a flash like a sprint, a blur? No, I want to relish the beauty over the long haul inclusive of the aches and pains and difficulties *

I want to give pause when I find an extra beautiful moment to feel the moments deeply.  Whether it's the sun shining brilliantly through the trees.  Or the leaves fluttering to the ground.  Or my child nuzzling in.  Or a stranger I've encountered whom I can give a word of encouragement to.

I’m one who naturally rushes rushes rushes----- there is so much to be done!  But slowly. ---Ever. ----So. ---Slowly. I am learning.  As a mom of 3 young children I am learning that no matter how hard I try the dishes will never be caught up, the laundry will never be completely done, rooms will be upheaved to disaster in seconds, and though I just fed my kids they need to eat yet again!  So I am learning that since rushing is futile, perhaps I ought to try something different.

Find beauty.  Savour moments of lasting value.

Beauty is found in the in-between moments.  But it is only seen if I intentionally create pause between the schedule, if I create margins in my life, and if I embrace being prepared to throw my plan for the day to the wind if something more important of lasting value comes along.

And I think, just maybe, this is the key to finding rest amidst the busy: create regular moments where busy is not in control, where I stand up to busy and say No! Not in my life! My life is not controlled by busy.

And what I find here is space.  Space to breathe. Space to be real. Space to ponder what I actually want to do with these precious moments of my life.  Space to remember the gift of the air in my lungs.  Space to raise my arms in Thanksgiving for the beauty of it all!!!

Yes! Yes, this is how I want to spend my moments.

God help me make it so.

*The longest distance I have ran is 30Km.  A 30Km trail run.  It hurts to run this far! (My personal experience was that it is hard work after the 20km point to keep pressing forward and yet, interestingly, even so there is much exilieration in the last km.)  Furthermore, just as this race was an up and down marathon—both physically and emotionally--, so too is life.  Up and Down.  And you can't have the ease of downhills without slogging up the uphills.  

So I want to be present in all these moments, feeling them for what they are, grateful always for the opportunity of experience.  And then I want to take my experience in the difficulty and not forget, never forget, when the course of life eases up a bit or a lot; I never want to forget the journey from point A to point B and how it has shaped me.