Fighting for the moments

I was introduced to Kara Tippetts (not personally, though that would have been lovely) one evening when I was driving home from work.  She was on the Christian radio station I listen to.  On that short 10 min drive I heard enough to know I wanted to know more about this lady battling stage 4 breast cancer.

It was spring 2014 and my mom was in the midst of being diagnosed with cancer.  We didn’t know what exactly was attacking her body yet, but it had already destroyed several of her vertebras and was clearly a savage intruder in her body.

That evening Kara spoke in an interview how we often forget that God will be with us in the future, just as he’s with us today; that when the future shows up, God is already there.  We tend to forget this as fear of the future unravels our lives.  She referenced Proverbs 1:33 “But all who listen to me will live in peace and safety, unafraid of harm (without dread of destruction).”  My mom echos her sentiments as she stated in the uncertainty of her storm: “it will be okay.”  These four little words speak volumes.  They say that God’s got this and he’s holding you and I no matter what happens.  They say that fear is not welcome because trust is present and perfect love will prevail ushering in peace and safety.

I tucked these moments away in my journal for the next couple of years; but once again Kara Tippetts popped, very much welcome, into my life.  I remembered she had taught me something when Mom was acutely sick and so I hunted down my journals to remind myself of her wisdom.  Indeed, this verse and this concept continue to be a rock as I myself battle cancer. And Kara Tippetts continues to be a woman I look to as an example.  Sadly, she passed away in 2015 (Oh how I had hoped miracle upon miracle that when I googled her I’d find her alive), but not before writing books, blogging her heart out and championing LIFE.  She is known for being a voice promoting life when Medical Assisted Dying was becoming legal in the United States.  I think Kara and I would very much have enjoyed one another’s company.

You see, I went to her blog today and read her words and oh how they echoed my soul.  They say what I have not been able to.  So please read this beautiful woman’s words and hear my own heart in them.  Thank you Kara for sharing what it is like. 1

Each day is a battle to see, a struggle to learn, a fight against the lies of hopelessness. Each day I wake, I remember my story, then I want to go back to sleep. But through each day, I see so much truth, hope, life, joy that I simply cannot check out of living and fighting for my moments. ……. Slowly, I will drink my coffee and read my Bible, and find the strength to get moving beyond my despair. Some days I begin the day faking it for the benefit of my children, and some days I move from my bed with genuine strength and hope for the day. Each day has some mercy to make the moving possible.

"...fighting for my moments".  FIGHTING FOR THE MOMENTS.

We need to fight for the moments.  They rarely fall effortlessly into our laps.  And it is in the fighting and the wrestling that the beauty increases.  These moments are golden.  They are priceless and valuable.  (Oh how valuable, that like Kara I am not going to let go of any extra minute to end these moments, no matter how difficult.)

Beauty will find us there; in the pain, in the sorrow, in the fight.

And it will be okay.

It will be okay.

1. www.mundanefaithfulness.com  (I hope I have not overstepped by quoting this.)

Update!

This past month has been full.  In March I delighted in celebrating my oldest daughter turning 6.  I had such joy in planning and orchestrating her party and of course, she delighted in the celebrations.  I admit that during this time I began to feel “invinsible”, my energy had climbed a bit, so that I was able to do this.

However, at the same time I was engaging in the very emotionally taxing process of having my voice heard regarding Fraser Health’s mandate of having MAiD in hospices and palliative care.  I wrote a letter to the editor which was published in my local paper.  Then I crashed.  I poured my heart and energy into a letter which I was proud of.  But I was reminded I am not invinsible!  God is indeed reminding me of my humanity! (And this is a very good thing!!!)

I shared briefly on Easter Sunday morning at my church about my story (see subsequent post) and then I RESTED.

I recouped enough energy to be able to present at the Fraser Health Public Board meeting yesterday.  The newspaper covered the event and wrote this article.  I understand that MAiD is here to stay and I am not petitioning against that; but, it is my hope that Fraser Health will revisit conversations to find a way to create a MAiD-free space within the health region (ideally hospices which are built upon the premise of not hastening death). 

I will also be on CKNW 980, The Lynda Steele show tomorrow (april 13) speaking about this issue.

……..Next plan ----- finish my novel!!!!  I’ve set it aside for a bit, I am so ready to pick it back up and hang out with Ella and the girls some more!!! (Writing this is so fun and while rewarding it is emotionally exhausting to participate in the MAiD conversation).

Thanks for your continued support!  I appreciate you wrapping me in your prayers.  I love you guys.

XOXO

Cheryl

 

A Legacy Prayer

My prayer for my children is that they find the “more and life than they ever dreamed of” that John 10:10 (MSG) offers.

Isaiah 40:27-31

²⁷ O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
    O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
²⁸ Have you never heard?
    Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
    No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak
    and strength to the powerless.
³⁰ Even youths will become weak and tired,
    and young men will fall in exhaustion.
³¹ But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
    They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
    They will walk and not faint.

(These verses have been some of my mom’s favorites and she has them cross-stitched on her wall)

Deut. 30:19

¹⁹ “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!

Children, my prayer is that you choose to claim as your own the following prayer that I have written and continually pray.

I stand in truth: God’s power is unstoppable! His love knows no bounds. Believing this whole-heartedly is how I soar like an eagle doing the impossible, stepping in to the uncomfortable.  Believing, hoping, and persevering through the muck, having my eyes on the prize: Jesus.  I remember those who have gone before me: my witnesses attesting to God’s goodness.  I stand on the promises they claimed.  And I experience that in Jesus I am more ALIVE than ever before.  I have a Jesus who overcame death to claim LIFE!  Thank- you Jesus, I shall not squander or dwindle this precious gift of life.  NO, I choose to live boldly and courageously, that MY faith shall be a rock that MY ancestors stand on.  God of mercy, God of hope, God of love I thank you for the legacy I come from.  I thank you for the legacy you are establishing through me.  I pray for profound legacies to follow my children as they choose to say yes Jesus, I believe.  As they choose LIFE.

My Victory Song

On Easter Sunday I was given the opportunity to share during our church service how Jesus has changed everything in my life.  Here is a link to the sermon (I share around the 21:00 min mark). I will write out below what I shared.

In contemplation of Easter and going forward I find myself in awe and adoration of how much my God loves me.  This indeed is life-changing love.  You see when I was diagnosed with cancer, and I uncovered my dismal prognosis, I had a HUGE and desperate need to feel loved.  To feel unconditionally loved by the bucket-loads.  I needed love that was way beyond what any human (even my incredible husband!) could offer.  I needed the kind of love that God offers!

God showed me his love through

1)    People.  People gave meals provided childcare, prayed for us, sent encouraging words.

2)    The Bible: The words of scripture came alive to me.  As I chose to spend daily time reading scripture God’s love leapt of the pages and into my heart.

3)    The Holy Spirit: God spoke to my soul affirming how much He loved me.  I described to my 6 year old, it felt like Jesus was holding my heart in his gentle and loving hands.

4)    Easter: In celebrating Easter and contemplating what it took for Jesus to die an awful, shamed, and tortured death I became aware of his love for me.  Further, I kept contemplating how my mom told me a few months ago that she had not wanted me to die.  Obviously, but she said this in light of acknowledging that while she doesn’t want her daughter to die, God gave up His son, Jesus to die for us. Ah, there is the rub!  Amazing love, indeed.  For me an unworthy human.  How profound

Slowly as I realize more and more how much God loves me I find that I am trusting him more completely.  I am trusting that God wants good in my life and that he is fighting for me.  And this trust is creating breakthroughs in my life!!!  As my trust in God is increasing my fear is disappearing and this is a tremendous breakthrough! I have shared how I have fear in the week where I wait for my MRI results after I have my MRI.  Well last MRI I didn’t have the usual paralyzing fear in my wait!

How?

I’m realizing that God is never going to leave me no matter what!  He will ALWAYS be there.  He’s with me today, He’ll be with me tomorrow, He’ll be with me if the cancer comes back.

Now to be clear, life is NOT magically easy.  I still have 3 young kids to care for and raise (and we’re potty training our twins right now ---- not easy at all!), we still have the ups and downs of life and I still have to go see my oncologist every couple months.

BUT

Trusting in Jesus allows me the freedom to have undeniable hope saturated with God’s Love.

Trusting Jesus allows me to overcome fear, so I can ACTUALLY LIVE WHILE I’M ALIVE!!!!  And let me tell you, I feel vibrantly alive!!! I feel more alive than I ever have!  This truly is a VICTORY!

To close these 2 verses came to my attention:

Psalm 40:3 “[God] has given me a new song to sing

(I took note of this verse because, my oldest daughter’s name, Rayna, means song of the LORD)

Romans 8:37 “Overwhelming victory is our through Jesus Christ who loves us!”

When I put these 2 verses together I see that Jesus has given me a victory song!  Jesus absolutely has changed everything for me and the Easter was truly a celebration this year!!!