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<Home.> As I journey "home" I find again what thrills my soul.
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This picture is my charmingly beautiful hometown creek in Southern Saskatchewan. 
I snapped this shot when I was out for a run while visiting my parents this summer. (Happy 70th birthday Dad😘) I used to play here, exploring these cut banks after school.
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I love going back home to visit.  The slogan of this small city is "where life makes sense." Last year as I was dealing with post-cancer anxiety I particularly enjoyed going "home".  The slower pace of a small prairie city  was calming to my frantic soul; I was able to catch my breath and life did indeed make better sense here.
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I think we all need regular reminding to slow down.  To take time to make sense of life rather than press headstrong forward alongside a culture that forgets it's good to slow down, reflect, savour, and breathe.
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Though I now live by the mountains, I will always have a sweet spot in my heart for the prairies. I appreciate the lessons I've learned on the prairies: how to brave snowstorms, the delight of Saskatoon berry crisp, how to drive on ice, the spectacularly beautiful power unleashed in prairie storms and how not to lick metal in freezing temperatures (yet why did I still try?!).  Oh how the expansive quiet beauty of the prairies rivals the grandeous beauty of the mountains.
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Yes, this prairie town will always be in my heart, no matter where journeys take me. And yes I'm hopelessly nostalgic, but for me the cliche, "Home is where the heart is" holds true. 
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As a girl I sat in my room for countless hours journaling and writing poetry and stories.  Yes experience, choices, and education shape the woman I have become; but at my core I am still *that* girl.
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 I minimized her and pushed her aside as I pursued career and motherhood.  I realize now I did myself a great disservice. She surfaced again when cancer stripped so much away.  She reminds me of who I am without the guises I accepted from adulthood.  She keeps me "real".

I now believe that our greatest gifts and talents are apparent at a young age. This does not mean other gifts and talents cannot be learned, enjoyed and pursued.  But through personal experience I see that first passions are deep passions that breathe wholesome life when they are persistently stoked.

It is important for me to remember the girl I was in order to become the woman I truly want to be.  And home is a powerful reminder of this for me.

I invite you to take a journey "home" and find again what thrills your soul ♥️


XOXO
Cheryl



PS. (I acknowledge here that this is my story, based on my experience.  If your childhood was not healthy, home was likely not a safe place for you to explore who you truly are.  Your journey in remembering what thrills your soul will look much different than mine. Grace be to you. XOXO.)

Embrace life's detours

<Twin Moments> Aren't these 2 the cutest?! Come on A&W, do you need some models?
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Twin parenting hasn't been that easy.  It was downright insane for the first year.  And it was not anything we signed up for, somehow we got the 2 for 1 deal 🤷.
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BUT
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Oh how sweet this twin parenting journey is now.  Unexpected blessings❤️.
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It's so interesting how twists in our paths take us to beautiful places we would never choose.  I am slowly learning to embrace these detours.
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XOXO
Cheryl

MRI RESULTS DAY

It felt so odd this morning to be planning my oncologist visit amidst regular errands and the ever long "to-do" list. It's the dance between the cancer world and the non-cancer world.  Yet more and more they blend. And isn't that the truth. Everyone has mountains to face in life; your mountain may be different than my mountain, but that does not make it any less of a mountain. And, if we're lucky, life keeps traipsing on.
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Today I'm mindful that I am more than the disease I've been diagnosed with.  I am Cheryl with my inborn gifts and passions. I am wife, mother, daughter, friend.  I am more than my prognosis. A prognosis is merely an average.  My friends, I am more than just an average!  As a pharmacist I tried to focus on my patients as people, not the person on x,y, or z med. Not the statistics that evidence based medicine is grounded on. A person with a body, mind and soul.  Human. Just like me.
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As we find our common ground in our humanity we can rejoice together wholeheartedly and mourn together wholeheartedly.
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Today my heart swells excitedly that I can ask you to CELEBRATE with me in my GOOD MRI RESULTS! No signs of cancer growth. Next scan in 6 months.
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Thank you for journeying with me ❤️
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XOXO
Cheryl

An Afternoon "with" Brene Brown and my Daughter

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Ps by "with" I mean immersed in Brene's writing. By "afternoon" I mean 10 minutes---they were absolutely splendid 😊
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I've always loved reading to this girl, it was one of my first motherhood delights. Now I get to read alongside her!!!  This was a very sweet moment today while her little brother and sister played at the park. Bless this girl and bless this momma's heart.
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Here's a powerful snippet I read today from Brene Brown's "Dare to Lead":
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"'the courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it's about the courage to show up when you can't predict or control the outcome."
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These words are fitting as tomorrow morning I will show up at my oncologist's office- optimistic, confidently hopeful for good news, but- oh so vulnerable as I wait for him to voice my MRI results.  This is what courage looks like in my life today. How about yours?  I'd truly love to hear your stories.
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XOXO
Cheryl

One more pic because I love this girl so much ❤️

MRI Day!

Okay so not the best picture of me, but I suppose that's part of the point as I invite you more intimately into my journey with Glioblastoma.
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Today is MRI day.  In the past I've kept my MRI date and results day secret, except to my closest circle, for fear of not having good news to share.  Anxiety used to saturate the gap between MRI and results.  Today during my 30 minute MRI I practiced some of the measures that have empowered me to say "goodbye" to anxiety during this gap.  Namely mindfulness, meditation, systematic relaxation, gratitude, and faith. 
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Does anxiety still try to surface? Yes! Just last night I had a moment of fright, "what if the results show tumor growth?!" (Every single MRI!). But by recognizing these anxiety inducing thoughts quickly, I can squash them by pressing into what I know to be true in this very moment (because no one knows their futures right?!) Life is a good and precious gift, today is a great day and I will not dismiss today's life and joy by worrying about tomorrow's problems.

Let's expect good things together, are you with me?!

XOXO
Cheryl

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Blackberries and my Spiritual Awakening

Blackberries!!!!  I had a wonderful time with my kids by the River Park here in beautiful Chilliwack BC, complete with a blackberry picking stroll.  This 3 year old tried following me into the bushes to grab her own fruit.  But the thing with blackberry bushes is their thorns are nasty and seem to come alive and snarl you- cutting your skin, entangling your clothing.  Picking these berries is a risky endeavor.
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This got me thinking about life.  The past 3-4 years were VERY challenging filled with mothering twin babies, facing my death sentence diagnosis of glioblastoma, and the trauma that ensued. These are the nasty thorns I've had to press through.  **BUT** the fruit I've harvested from being forced to go deep into the thorns and get cut up (and choosing to keep pressing through):  love, joy, peace, hope, goodness.  This is the very fruit that I've discovered in my glioblastoma-driven spiritual awakening.  And let me tell you, THIS fruit is the sweetest!
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What have the thorns and the blackberries looked like in your life?  Share below or send me a note at info@cherylrostek.com


XOXO
Cheryl

What Makes you feel fully Alive?

I picked up "Befriending the Stranger" by Jean Vanier in the thrift store the other day. I almost didn't buy it, one more thing to declutter later... But I like Jean Vanier and my daughter was making a purchase so I thought "sure it's only 50 cents".  Well turns out this book is amazing and so full of wisdom about identity, the strength of weakness, vulnerability, grace, grieving the loss that certain callings on life require and SO much more that affirms what I've been learning and wanting to learn this past year with tremendous clarity.

Others may call it coincidence or serendipity.  I call it Jesus walloping me in the face. Whatever you call it, I'm wanting more because the more I press in the more ALIVE than ever I feel. And I fully agree with Jean, "Jesus yearns for us to become fully alive and so to communicate life to others."

What makes you feel fully alive?  I'd love to hear from you! Comment below or find me on Instagram @cherylrostek.


XOXO
Cheryl

Come close and listen

It is time for me to press into being a writer.  This scares me. It's unknown terrain and it means (at least for a season) I am setting aside my straight forward profession of being pharmacist. My first day working in the pharmacy dispensary I said, "I am NEVER changing careers again!!". Well, brain cancer has thrust me here and God has gently, persistently nudged me further.  I've been pushing back, but I've come through a year of tremendous growth. And so, it's time.

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I invite you to journey with me as I seriously press in to writing (and publishing 😬)a book about my journey battling glioblastoma as well as editting the novel I started writing 10 years ago, which became a bucket list item to finish and publish when brain cancer entered my life. I appreciate the company ❤️ (did I mention I know NOTHING about publishing?!)

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 It's like the pink Cyclone waterslide at West Edmonton Mall that I daringly went on in Jan.😬 (See pic below to understand what the slide is like- they lock you in the slide and the floor drops out on you!): Terrifying and exhilarating! I look forward to having you on my journey!

XOXO

Cheryl

Ingratitude

Ingratitude runs through me right now and w when I finally stop to pause I am appalled at myself.  Be kind to yourself, I remind myself.  Be kind, be gracious, and I know that practicing gratitude is the only way to cut through this extreme annoyance that I'm letting ruin my weekend.

We have just moved into a new (to us) house. The yellow house, as opposed to the "blue house" my twins affectionately refer to our condo we moved from.  Yes, we are no longer condo dwellers with 3 children and that feels so nice.  And we also happen to have a very beautiful new house.  What a gift! I am grateful for this "gateway of hope" for our family. Space to be and breathe and grow.  it is truly WONDERFUL. I am stunned with my human nature that I find myself so full of ingratitude today.

You see our beautiful new home has central Air conditioning, yay!  which is wonderful as we've moved in summer.  My ingratitude is rooted in the fact that the fan on the AC has broken on our new house and the forecast is 30C+ temps this week.  Ingratitude seeps in bringing a filthy stink into my day and my heart.  As my kids struggle to go to sleep in the heat bitterness is wide awake in my soul.

Oh Cheryl! A couple short years ago I would have been overflowing with gratitude to know what my life holds today. I would have been awestruck, I would have hugged my family so tight, no matter how sweaty the embrace got.  Oh, How quickly I forget (and how good it is to remember, regularly remember- like how the Israelites in the Old Testament easily forget how God has been faithful to them and they are told over and over to remember).  How quickly my gratitude for this home turns to seething ingratitude, as if I am owed the luxuries of this home.  And I must quickly as I can and in every hot moment that comes, remember.

Given all I've faced in life, I'm sure people must think it comes easier for me to have gratitude for everyday.  To remember and be thankful. I think it ought to. And in many ways and most days it ABSOLUTELY does. However I am human just like you and the (not so) funny thing with "having so much to be grateful for" is that shame is so much thicker for me when gratitude is hard to find. 

And so:

I must retrain my thoughts each day towards gratitude. I must force gratitude to come, when it does not want to. I must counter ingratitude with gratitude, spoken aloud in realtime.  Even when my teeth are gritted together and my arm pits are sweating.

I must remember to give thanks for what I have.

I must turn my eyes from what is wrong with my world and remember what is true: I am blessed beyond measure.  Who am I to deserve w,x,y, and z? (This home, my family, my health, this breath in my lungs? ) I am not worthy.  It is only by the grace of my Marvelous Creator that I hold these gifts as mine.  Only by this grace.  this kind, compassionate, loving grace.

So whether I am cool as a cucumber or one hot mess; whether it comes easily or through teeth gritted together: I CHOOSE GRATITUDE.

And guess what? though I wanted to stay disgruntled (why? I'm really not sure)the kids are liking their new campout in our basement just fine, see the picture to prove it!

Much grace to all of you wherever your journey finds you.

XOXO, Cheryl